Anti-social butterfly?

On the home stretch of exam mode. 2ish days left and it's all over for another year. Wish I could say it's all over once and for all but things just don't go as planned sometimes. Oh well.

So I've been in hermit mode for over a month already and it feels like routine now. Sure, I come out for the occasional gathering but I don't feel this urge to go out anymore. Once I finish exams, all I feel like doing is spend more time with myself catching up on all my [non-uni-related] reading, my TV shows, my K-dramas, my TVB series and movies. I also wanna lie on the grass somewhere and spend the day looking up at the sky with nothing but my music and any passing thoughts.

Is the social butterfly becoming a hermit crab? I guess we'll see in the next week...

In other news, I'm loving The Script's new album. I'm falling more and more in love with their music. I dunno why but their lyrics really get to me.


The blissful highs...
You won't find faith or hope down a telescope
You won't find heart and soul in the stars
You can break everything, down to chemicals
But you can't explain a love like ours.

It's the way we feel, yeah this is real.

The agonising lows...
I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words,
And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred,
So I dialed her number and confessed to her,
I'm still in love but all I heard was nothing

She said nothing
Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing.

Can't wait to see you guys on the 10th of April. In the meantime, you'll be singing to me on my iTunes.

And the world's worst friend award goes to... ME.

So the bitch has a conscience after all.

Despite the random and somewhat unpredictable night I ended up having tonight, deep down I just couldn't properly enjoy myself. All the 'jokes' made cut me real deep and it was like having my worst thoughts and fears come to life.

The question that still puzzles me is why it happened and how I let it happen. It doesn't make any sense and it's seriously not like me.

Whatever it is, at least I know this: I am my own worst enemy.

Confessions of a bitchaholic

Hello, my name is Angie. And I'm a bitchaholic.

Over the years, I never thought of myself as very bitchy. Even though I went to an all girls' school and such, I always thought I turned out OK in the bitch department. Maybe I just compared myself to some REALLY bitchy people and just thought 'Yeah, I'm definitely not as bitchy as her. I'm fine'.

Lately, my cynical side has come back to haunt me and unleashed a big can of bitchass. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone recently with the stuff I've said or done. I'll make it up to you soon enough!! I'm a big believer in karma so if I've done wrong by you, tell me or I'm gonna be cursed for a while!!!

Anyway, onto other things, I FINISHED BRIDGE TO BRISBANE today!!! Go Team Mad Sea hehe

[M] inh
[A] ndrew
[D] avid

[S] andy
[E] dwin
[A] ngie

Definitely up for it again next year!!! Still can't believe I can walk 5km in less than an hour. I really need to go out walking more and get back to proper exercise. Whip this lazy ass into shape hehe

Also got to catch up with my girly girls today for a nice picnic in New Farm Park. Always a pleasure and always so much fun talking and laughing about each other, guys, everything!! Hoping we all get to catch up again soon and can't wait to see all the photos =)

Sleepy time, need more sleep!!! Note to self: less 4:30am sleep times, more 8+ hr sleeps.

August, how i hate thee...

Not sure whether many people know this, but I've always had this hateful relationship with the month of August. I dunno whether it's just coincidence or plain bad luck, but bad things always seem to happen to me during this month. Deaths, farewells, frantic assignment doing/exam studying, you name it, it's probably happened.

Main thing I have to complain about this month is my grad applications. I had two weeks to do them but knowing my last minute nature, I left it to the last two days to do them. Sent them all out with time to spare only to find out that my penultimate year [which I said in my cover letters that I was in] is actually my SECOND LAST YEAR, not my final year. I could've died. Oh well, I'm over it now. Bring on the rejections and I'll soon be welcoming unemployment with open arms in the next few months. Moral of the story: don't try to sound smart.

In other news, I'm frantically trying to catch up on everything. Doing 5 subjects in my final semester of uni is starting to take its toll on me. I've been bitchier than usual, venting about things I normally wouldn't even make a big deal over and all I was doing about it up until the last couple of days was avoiding it all and distracting myself.

Then again, I always like a good distraction. Here's a snapshot of my distractions in August:

BOUNCE 3 [aka CC's comeback special hehe]

Law girls catchup dinner

There's also been some yum cha-ing, Ikea strolling, football game watching, catch ups and the like. I really should take happy snaps again. Maybe when September rolls around. 11 days left of August!!! HELL YEAH!!! =)

Fare thee well for the time being...

I made a sudden realisation today.
In the midst of all the craziness and the drama out there, I've lost sight of who I really am.
There's only so much you can take and keep bottled up before you ultimately crack.
I've really thrown myself in the deep end here and I can't stop drowning.

As Coldplay so rightly sings out:
In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah...

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah...

After a really eye-opening talk with one of my closest friends, I realised I'm just avoiding what's on my mind and distracting myself with everybody else's drama.
So that's it. No more drama for me.
Must deal with what's going on alone with just my thoughts and surrounding exam notes.
Must keep the focus. Gotta keep it simple.

So the social butterfly is going into hiding.
I've deactivated the FB account and probably won't be on MSN for quite a while.
But don't worry, I'm endeavouring to come out of all of this with a smile on my face, a clear head and high hopes for the future.

Stay tuned for a new and improved me.

A last note to everyone:
For the uni students, good luck for your exams.
For the full-timers, enjoy and make the most of your long weekend.

It's come to that time.
I am sick. ONCE AGAIN!!!
I swear I don't get sick this often. Don't even know how this came about!!

In the midst of my illness, I've noticed a few things:
1. I'm more caring and less bitchy.
2. I think about things more than normal.
3. I'm always craving what I can't have. Things like chocolate, coffee, hot chocolate, chips, pearl tea, etc etc.

Probably not the best time to blog considering I'm WAY behind in my lecture recordings but meh, this will be more interesting to read in the end than my lecture notes.

So I was thinking about some of the conversations I've had with friends lately. I actually think I've changed heaps over the last month. If you don't talk to me on a regular basis, you probably wouldn't have noticed. For those who dunno, long story cut short, I HAVE A DARK SIDE. I didn't think it was that bad at first but I think I've suppressed it all these years until now. Don't even know what triggered it. And for the record, I don't like it. It's created a lotta uncertainty in myself and it's really been an eye-opener. Dunno what to do...

On the bright side, my one month ban on shopping for myself and Maccas ends today. Hurrah!! I'm grabbing Maccas for lunch and gonna shop with Mummy dearest at the Myer stocktake sale preview tomorrow night.

I thought this was gonna be a longer blog post but I got side-tracked by other things. Maybe I'll elaborate when I'm not in so much of a coughing fit.

This is me... then.

I was looking at my blog from 4 years ago [Holy crap, I've been blogging for THAT long now???] and it's funny reading over stuff I've done or things I said back then hehe It also shows how much I've changed and grown up in the last 4 years. It hasn't been an easy process, but now that I look back, I don't think I'd change much, if anything at all. If I did, I know I wouldn't be the person I am today and not to be too full of myself or anything, but I think i cleaned up alright =P

This is me then.

In 2005,
1. I went through phases of being addicted to something. There was a Scratchies phase, reading manga, reciting Russell Peters quotes, going to the casino, the list goes on.
2. I was going through the awkward transition of uni life.
3. I hung out at Replay a lot.
4. I tasted alcohol and went clubbing for the first time. It was what all the cool kids [well, everyone turning 18 at the time] were doing.
5. I rambled on a lot.
6. I got out of my 3ish year relationship. And I realised just how naive I was about the concept of 'love'.
7. I was hooked on TVB dramas. I dunno how I found time to go out.
8. I was always bitching about my finances. Then again, I bitched about a lotta things.
9. I was learning how to drive.
10. Even though some friendships started to blossom at this time, others were really put to the test.
11. My love for coffee started.
12. I started my job at Myer.

This is me now.

In 2009,
1. I still go through phases of being addicted to something. This year has consisted of phases of mah jong, Mrs Field's cookies, DDR, poker, pool, going to concerts, footy tipping, Restaurant City, chai tea from 3 Monkeys, reciting quotes such as 'It don't matter!' and 'BL la!!', Max Brenner and Korean music, just to name a few.
2. I've settled into uni life and now all I wanna do is graduate and get out!!!
3. I hung out at Replay a lot in the first half of the year, then the name changed to Timezone and I rarely go in now.
4. I'm pretty much over the alcohol and clubbing phase. Don't worry, I still drink and I still go clubbing. It's just not really my scene now.
5. I still ramble a lot. But I save it for my blog and for friends that I vent to.
6. I've been single for almost 2 years. And I really think I've forgotten what it feels like to be in a relationship and to care about someone in THAT way. Oh, and the 'love' thing? It's disappeared from my vocabulary. And no, I'm not talking about the love I have for my family and friends or the love I have for material things like my iPod touch, my clothes or my laptop. I'm talking about the word that people seem to use so fast and loosely these days. So if you care to bring that 4 letter word back into my life with any deep meaning it might have left, I put forward the challenge to anyone. I dare you. In fact, I double dare you.
7. I haven't watched a TVB series in so long. But never fear, the obsession shall start again once I'm back from Japan 'cause I'll be too poor to do anything else =P
8. I don't bitch about my finances anymore but I have found many other replacing topics to bitch about.
9. I'm on my opens and sometimes I still feel like I'm learning how to drive.
10. Once again, as it seems to be the case every year since I've started uni, some friendships have really blossomed and others have really been put to the test. The friend slutting has got to stop =(
11. My love for coffee has been cemented and nobody can ever take that away from me. Unless Gloria Jean's decides to close down. Which I hope it never does!!!
12. It's 4 years later and I'm still at a job that I only wanted to be in temporarily. It's gotten to the point where all the nice perks of the job have long gone and all I want to do is find a new job.

So, there we have it. Old school Angie has been revamped into the 2009 Angie you all know and love now. But from reading where I'm currently at, I think I'm due for another revamp. So watch out everyone!! New and improved, smarter and more sophisticated, sassier and classier, that'll be me soon enough =)

Catharsis 22 - November

Starting to get into the studying groove. I actually want to do half decently this semester [half decently meaning no 4's!!!] so if it seems like I'm MIA, I'm most likely just cooped up at home. Or at uni. Or I've died trying.

Either way, I leave my beloved readers with my 22 quick rants for this month. Good luck to those who have exams!! The light at the end of the tunnel will come soon enough =)

1. I saw a car that had the personalised plate with my initials AND my birth year. Should've stolen it. The plate, not the car. Actually, maybe the car too.
2. Is it so hard to say what you mean and mean what you say?!
3. Say hello to 1 of the Social Directors of BSA for 2010 =P
4. Damn you Warringah!! Should've won *sighs* But congrats to Shocking... thanks to you, I got half my money back!
5. An early congrats to you. And just to let you know, I will literally cry and cry and cry when you leave me =(
6. Practise what you preach. Like seriously.
7. It'd be so funny if we worked out in real life. Like seriously.
8. I really want to play 4 rounds of mah jong now. Or even 8 rounds. Like seriously.
9. Far out, another choice to make.
10. Best wishes in Melbourne. Gonna miss you terribly especially during the Christmas period =(
11. 幸福掌握在你手上...
12. 14 days to go...
13. 21 days to go...
14. Killing me softly with Red Bull, coffee, hundreds of pages of notes, hundreds of pages of legislation and barely any sleep... killing me softly...
15. Frick, 1 more subject than I thought. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
16. Multi-language exam mix ftw =)
17. MUST PAY OFF CREDIT CARD BILL IMMEDIATELY!!!
18. Must burn off this ever-increasing fat after 15th December.
19. I'm so happy for you and hope that things will work themselves out.
20. Sleep is especially good when the time you're awake is spent studying.
21. Maybe I should move too. Moving's so hot right now.
22. I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart...

I'm tired...

... of leaving everything to the last minute.
... of leaving mess around wherever I go.
... of saying I'll do things when I won't.
... of thinking that work is a break from uni and uni is a break from work.
... of trying to analyse what people mean when they say or do something.
... of being incredibly happy one minute and incredibly sad in another.
... of looking at how my life is and the million ways I could improve it.
... of looking at myself and the million ways I could improve myself.
... of staying up late nights and having to wake up early.

I'm just really tired.

*shuffle change*

I was looking at old clips of 'Friends' and man, I really wanna watch the whole series again. I make it an annual tradition to watch every 'Friends' episode from beginning to end and it looks like that time has nearly come. Must finish Evidence assignment first!!! Here are some pretty funny clips... enjoy!!!

1. The difference between men and women. So true!



2. The benefits of being male and female



3. For the 'Friends' fans... the episode where Monica and Rachel lose their apartment to Joey and Chandler




My heart mends well.
After all that I've been through,
I found myself.

Catharsis 22

1. There's always two sides to every story.
2. I never realised you were like this. We're like two peas in a pod.
3. It's ghost month. Is this why I feel weird?!
4. I hate the friend balance. You get close to one person but you lose the closeness of another.
5. Sometimes love comes around. And it knocks you down. Just get back up when it knocks you down, knocks you down.
6. Am I waiting for any good reason or am I just playing the fool again?
7. Maybe being sheltered isn't such a bad thing after all.
8. I'm sleepy.
9. You've grown up. I'm so proud of you.
10. I actually miss you. Who would've thought?!
11. And I'll miss you too. The days are counting down...
12. And I also miss you. I miss all the moments and long talks we used to have.
13. Study = death.
14. Too much food and sweets = death.
15. You're the reason I'm getting fatter. Damn you!!!
16. Stop being lost and/or realise your true feelings already!!!
17. Why you? Because sometimes I think you're the only who sees me when I'm invisible.
18. The world keeps getting in the way. With you is where I wanna be. But it just won't let me 'cause it keeps getting in the way.
19. Or maybe I missed my chance. Crap.
20. 3 weeks to go. Holy smoke. Actually, not really.
21. I'm still sleepy.
22. Dance like nobody's watching.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's heaven on earth. - Mark Twain

It's been ages since I've done one of these. Feels good =)

10 things you probably don't need to know... [but I'm letting you know anyway hehe]

Just a few random notes for this blog...

1. To Taiki: The time you were in Brissy came and went by so quickly!!! I hope you had a blast while you were here 'cause I certainly had fun =) I'm missing you already... but never fear, I'll see you again in Japan in a matter of months... more fun times to be had w00t w00t


2. IT'S WEEK 4 OF UNI AND I'VE DONE ABSOLUTELY NO STUDY SO FAR... WTF?????????????

3. Mah jong is the new poker. All the cool kids are doing it hehe

4. I'm 22 in less than a month. 26 days to be exact. Not quite sure if the 'responsibility' and 'maturity' has kicked in yet... probably 'cause I'm celebrating my b'day a million times this year =P

5. I'm no longer a mini golfing virgin!!! Came 2nd outta 4 people too... total beginner's luck!!!

6. Torn between catching up on movies, TV series, Asian dramas or study...

7. Been sleeping at ridiculous hours lately. I went to bed at 4:30am twice in the last week and the other nites I've been up way past 1-2am. It's gotta stop!!!

8. 15 more days of winter. You know what that means? SPRING WILL BE WITH US SOON ^__^

9. I have so many weird cravings right now: sushi from Top Sushi, chicken katsu don, a good banana smoothie, Max Brenner waffles, as well as an urge to play pool, sing karaoke and play mah jong.

10. I gotta feeling... that this week's gonna be a good, good week =) I know it's copied from a song but I feel it in my bones. I'm gonna make this a really productive week!!! Catch up on study, go to all my classes, clean out my wardrobe for spring, catch up with a few friends I haven't seen in a while... I can do it!!!

More cheese with that whine? Yes please!!!

It's getting to that time of year.
That time of year when my social life dwindles to pretty much nothing.
That time of year when the only time I get out of the house is to go to uni or go to work.
That time of year when I'm freaking out 'cause I suddenly realise I've done absolutely NO study and I've left everything to the last minute. Again.
That time of year when all my convos with people involve how stressed and/or tired I am.
That time of year when I re-watch my beloved TV shows in a matter of days. This semester, it's The OC. I'm nearly halfway through the series and I still have 27 days 'til I finish exams. Oh crap.
That time of year when I'm sitting on my ass in front of my laptop... even more than usual.

But on the plus side, I'm at home more so that means more home-cooked meals and I save money for Sydney and Japan. Hooray for that!
Hooray for music! I'd be so lost without you.
Hooray for fattening snacks! I know I'm gonna gain 5 kgs after this exam period but I'll DDR it off.
Hooray for Restaurant City on Facebook! I'm probably gonna get sick of this game later on but for now, I love it.
Hooray for my friends on MSN and at uni! Without you guys and your support, I'd never get through it all.
Hooray for my bed! I'm so glad I get to see you at the end of the night, especially if I get to sleep in the next day.

I think I'm going a bit delirious. Can you tell????????

Anyway, back to work. Good luck to those who have upcoming assignments and exams. I'll be praying for you. Pray for me too. We'll get outta this alive.

19 random thoughts ['cause it's the 19th =P]

1. I heart Cloudland!! [although I need to find a really good drink there...]
2. I want those boots. Damn you Betts for finishing your half price boots sale!!! *shakes fist*
3. Anyone know a good phone I can get?
4. Why did I have to ban myself from poker? I could REALLY use the extra cash.
5. I wanna play mah jong again. It's been too long!
6. How can someone be so cute and annoying at the same time???
7. Dentists shouldn't expect to have good conversations with their patients. We've got stuff in our mouth most of the time.
8. Gotta love catchy Asian songs. I could be listening to singers and bands singing about suicide or drugs or lesbians and it wouldn't matter 'cause the songs are so damn addictive to listen to. Plus I have no idea what they're singing about.
9. Anyone know a good laptop I can get?
10. I'm craving milkshakes and smoothies. Frick.
11. I'm also craving pearl tea. Double frick.
12. I'm also craving a really, really nice caramel latte. Frick on a stick with a brick.
13. Thanks for letting me in. It's been a great week of nice, long conversations despite the situation that started it all.
14. I'm not prepared for the winter. Need nice, warm clothes before I freeze to death in Sydney and Japan.
15. 7 outta 8 for footy tipping. A new record!
16. Does someone wanna build me a time machine so I don't have to deal with the 3 assignments and 4 exams coming up in the next month?
17. I really need a manicure.
18. OMG, Lonely Island songs are playing on the radio now!!! It would've been funnier to hear 'Jizz in My Pants' rather than 'I'm on a Boat' though. Oh well.
19. It's nearly 1am. Should probably sleep right about................................... now. After submitting my post of course.

Catharsis 21 - October

1. u could be happy and i won't know...
2. guys don't have any sense of intuition >_<"
3. this is a nightmare exam period =(
4. hardly any sleep and cramming make Angie a very, very cranky girl...
5. bear with me... it's just not a good time atm...
6. i s2 iPod Touch ^__^
7. i wish i could stop being a bitter, old hag...
8. i wish i was more organised...
9. i wish i was a better friend...
10. i wish i could fill my heart with love rather than anger, bitterness and resentment...
11. don't talk to me if u only wanna fill in time...
12. Korean ice-cream is awesome!!!
13. procrastination brings out the worst in me *sighs*
14. i can't handle it all!!
15. i'm always looking out for u... even if i don't say it...
16. i hope u're doing okies... he's not worth the heartache...
17. why r my dreams so much better than reality?!
18. the wall is only getting bigger and stronger...
19. i must be a better person... inside and out!!!
20. blah, blah, blah... it's all the same crap over and over again...
21. BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT

Catharsis 21 - September

1. age ain't nothing but a number...
2. tell me it's real... this feeling that i [might] feel...
3. i'm never planning anything again >_<"
4. the true colours r starting to show...
5. innocence is truly bliss...
6. what's the point? u're never gonna see me in that way...
7. give me a change in scenery... please!!!
8. Wall-e and Eve forever s2
9. so much to do, so little time...
10. actions speak a LOT louder than words...
11. let's go clubbing... for old time's sake =)
12. thanks for letting me get stuff outta my system...
13. i hate bottling certain things up... but i can't help it =(
14. maybe i do need a change in perspective...
15. is this what i want or am i just dreaming about it?
16. sometimes i wish it was more than it was... or maybe i don't...
17. i'm disappointed in u sometimes... u're not who i thought u were...
18. don't just say stuff that i wanna hear...
19. why aren't there more pplz like u around?
20. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep!!!
21. take me back to when i was truly happy...

Just some thoughts...

okies, i've been neglecting my blog again... partly 'cause i've been occupied with social events and also 'cause i haven't had anything worthwhile to blog about... but i thought i'd blog my current thoughts tonite 'cause if i don't, i'll forget and it'll be a mighty shame...

i was sitting by the UQ lakes on Tues when i thought about this blog so pretty much what i'm typing in italics is from my thoughts on Tues... here goes...

i currently have 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls on repeat on my iPod and i think it reflects my mood quite perfectly...

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...

i got dragged outta my house at 1am last nite to take a walk around the lake and i swear, there's something about being around water that gets me all reflective... or maybe it's the company... then again, i'm sitting by the UQ lakes as i write this so i think it's just the water hehe

a lotta things were brought up during this walk, one of which was my current state of mind... i got asked whether i believed in fate/destiny and i replied by saying that i didn't... that sorta set the rest of my convo in motion... do i just follow what everybody else thinks? am i that easy to manipulate? i've always been one to take everyone else's thoughts into consideration, but did i lose my own thoughts, my own point of view along the way?

it's kinda depressing when u don't believe in anything anymore... i've always been a bit of a cynic when it comes to some things but when it gets to the point where u feel like there's not much hope in anything, then that's a real worry...

*sighs* i hate the complexities of life... i reckon the happiest pplz r those who live the simple life or have a good support network that help them get through the highs and lows... since i'll never think of life as being a simple construct, i'll aim for the latter...

find out what i believe in...
find out what makes me happy...
then i'll build a bridge and get over my insecurities...
i'll be strong [at least emotionally]...
and i'll finally be happy... not 'cause i have to be but 'cause i want to be =)

i'd write more here but i'm getting sleepy... i'll write the rest of my thoughts later

Last rant about August

all i have to say is...

u've been a horrible, horrible month August... i hope i never experience a month like this ever again =(

i know i've had my fair share of good times as well but i can't help but feel like i've been a bit of a wreck during August...

may September and the new season bring better days...

Catharsis 21 - August

1. i wish i wasn't such a big disappointment to u...
2. spring is [nearly] here!! ^__^
3. if only i could turn back time... if only i had said what i still hide...
4. i'm sorry i'm not a better friend to u... u treat me so well =(
5. back to the gym!! need to get [somewhat] fit again!!!
6. 'sometimes people play hard to get because they need to know the other person's feelings are real'
7. i want Sushi Train, Sizzler's, Freestyle, Pane e Vino and Food Fantasy so badly =(
8. sometimes, sometimes, sometimes... i get lonely too...
9. why do feelings have to be so freakin' complicated?!
10. somebody give me a good surprise... it's been too long!!
11. i should stop trying to live in fantasy world...
12. OMG... less than 3 weeks left...
13. where's the motivation?
14. where did it all go?
15. i hope someone better comes along... u deserve it =)
16. u're gonna end up a forgotten memory to me one day...
17. why don't the good things ever stay the same?
18. u're still my sunshine after the rain =)
19. i need an image makeover... starting next month!!!
20. i want so many new things...
21. stop procrastinating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catharsis 21 - July

1. my prayers go out to u... i really want u to make it through these 2 months...
2. please let me get through this semester!!!
3. gotta stop being such a drama queen...
4. life doesn't make sense... bad things happen to good pplz and good things happen to bad pplz?!
5. stop being lazy and start planning dammit!!!
6. is this the beginning of something or just another phase?
7. thanks for listening to me... it was good timing =)
8. only 4 down so far... how depressing *sighs*
9. why do i still hold this grudge?
10. i'm glad i found u again... u always were my best distraction from reality =)
11. i am in dire need of a holiday... a long, long holiday...
12. gotta stop building invisible walls for myself...
13. it must be a sentimental time of the yr for everyone...
14. stop coming back to haunt me... haven't u hurt me enough?!
15. why so serious? good question Joker...
16. i wanna talk but i dunno what to say...
17. i wanna be emotional but i dunno how i feel...
18. thanks for all u've done for me... sometimes i think u're too good to be true...
19. things will be better... i promise u my kindred spirit =)
20. don't look back... only look at what's in front of u...
21. And this girl has seen a lot of pain
But this girl's gonna smile again
She knows that a flower grows every time it rains
And this girl's got a lot of dreams
She knows that tomorrow ain't what it seems
She might not solve a mystery tonight
But this girl's gonna be alright...

btw, HAPPY 21ST B'DAY CC!!! i'd write an overlong, sentimental msg here but i'll save it for when i see u hehe loveuheaps *hugglez and muahz*

Realisations...

some things i've realised in the last few days:

1. sometimes the littlest things u say can have the biggest impact on pplz
2. family is the only aspect of ur life that remains constant... which is probably why so many pplz [like me] take them for granted
3. i've spent pretty much all of this yr so far trying to live in the past... pplz change and circumstances change and i'm finally learning to build a bridge and get over my past insecurities
4. i really, really miss reading...

and the biggest lesson i've learnt?

5. u can never finish getting to know someone... no matter how well u think u know them