Baby I'm getting better...

The title of today's blog serves 2 purposes:
1. To highlight that I'm actually recovering from my minor illness [Frick on a stick, I'm sick for the third time this year... it's a record!!!]
2. To let the world know that the new and improved me is back and better than ever!!!

So the title of today's blog [as are a lotta my blog titles] comes from a song by Gyroscope. Unlike the song, I don't owe my change in outlook to a single person in particular, but a few people who've put a lotta things into perspective for me. And for that, I'd like to say a few brief thank yous.

+ Thanks for being my kindred spirit. It's freakishly cool knowing that there's actually people out there who just get me and who I can just get.

+ Thanks for reminding me that it's OK to be emotionally vulnerable and that there's always a positive way of looking at a seemingly negative situation.

+ Thanks for not letting time ruin what an awesome bond we have.

+ Thanks for always saving me from myself and knowing the right things to say.

+ Thanks for just being you. It's good to know that some things don't ever change after all this time we've known each other.

+ Thanks for being a breath of fresh air and expanding my horizons. It's great to know that there are people out there who do live outside the square.

+ Thanks for listening and for looking out for me. We may not always see eye to eye about everything, but knowing you care and take time out for me is always appreciated.

On a related note, thanks to the encouragement of family and friends plus a bit of self-motivation, I've been trying to get my life re-sorted. I've already started by cleaning up my closet and bathroom [still got the lounge and bedroom to go] and trying to take regular walks. Once my financial situation is back on track, I can get around to sorting my money-related things like debts and finally saving up for a trip at the end of the year!! Don't worry, I have it all written down on my to-do list for the rest of 2010 =)

Would like to babble on some more but my attention span in writing blogs seems to get shorter and shorter at the years go by. I'll leave my dear readers with a recommended movie: 500 Days of Summer!!! Probably one of the best movies I've seen in a while and quite a frontrunner as one of my fave films. Highly recommended for those who want a movie outta the ordinary and want a movie that actually speaks to reality and to the heart. Watch it!!! Do ittttttttttt *shakes fist*

Catharsis 21 - September

1. age ain't nothing but a number...
2. tell me it's real... this feeling that i [might] feel...
3. i'm never planning anything again >_<"
4. the true colours r starting to show...
5. innocence is truly bliss...
6. what's the point? u're never gonna see me in that way...
7. give me a change in scenery... please!!!
8. Wall-e and Eve forever s2
9. so much to do, so little time...
10. actions speak a LOT louder than words...
11. let's go clubbing... for old time's sake =)
12. thanks for letting me get stuff outta my system...
13. i hate bottling certain things up... but i can't help it =(
14. maybe i do need a change in perspective...
15. is this what i want or am i just dreaming about it?
16. sometimes i wish it was more than it was... or maybe i don't...
17. i'm disappointed in u sometimes... u're not who i thought u were...
18. don't just say stuff that i wanna hear...
19. why aren't there more pplz like u around?
20. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep!!!
21. take me back to when i was truly happy...

Just some thoughts...

okies, i've been neglecting my blog again... partly 'cause i've been occupied with social events and also 'cause i haven't had anything worthwhile to blog about... but i thought i'd blog my current thoughts tonite 'cause if i don't, i'll forget and it'll be a mighty shame...

i was sitting by the UQ lakes on Tues when i thought about this blog so pretty much what i'm typing in italics is from my thoughts on Tues... here goes...

i currently have 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls on repeat on my iPod and i think it reflects my mood quite perfectly...

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...

i got dragged outta my house at 1am last nite to take a walk around the lake and i swear, there's something about being around water that gets me all reflective... or maybe it's the company... then again, i'm sitting by the UQ lakes as i write this so i think it's just the water hehe

a lotta things were brought up during this walk, one of which was my current state of mind... i got asked whether i believed in fate/destiny and i replied by saying that i didn't... that sorta set the rest of my convo in motion... do i just follow what everybody else thinks? am i that easy to manipulate? i've always been one to take everyone else's thoughts into consideration, but did i lose my own thoughts, my own point of view along the way?

it's kinda depressing when u don't believe in anything anymore... i've always been a bit of a cynic when it comes to some things but when it gets to the point where u feel like there's not much hope in anything, then that's a real worry...

*sighs* i hate the complexities of life... i reckon the happiest pplz r those who live the simple life or have a good support network that help them get through the highs and lows... since i'll never think of life as being a simple construct, i'll aim for the latter...

find out what i believe in...
find out what makes me happy...
then i'll build a bridge and get over my insecurities...
i'll be strong [at least emotionally]...
and i'll finally be happy... not 'cause i have to be but 'cause i want to be =)

i'd write more here but i'm getting sleepy... i'll write the rest of my thoughts later

Catharsis 21 - July

1. my prayers go out to u... i really want u to make it through these 2 months...
2. please let me get through this semester!!!
3. gotta stop being such a drama queen...
4. life doesn't make sense... bad things happen to good pplz and good things happen to bad pplz?!
5. stop being lazy and start planning dammit!!!
6. is this the beginning of something or just another phase?
7. thanks for listening to me... it was good timing =)
8. only 4 down so far... how depressing *sighs*
9. why do i still hold this grudge?
10. i'm glad i found u again... u always were my best distraction from reality =)
11. i am in dire need of a holiday... a long, long holiday...
12. gotta stop building invisible walls for myself...
13. it must be a sentimental time of the yr for everyone...
14. stop coming back to haunt me... haven't u hurt me enough?!
15. why so serious? good question Joker...
16. i wanna talk but i dunno what to say...
17. i wanna be emotional but i dunno how i feel...
18. thanks for all u've done for me... sometimes i think u're too good to be true...
19. things will be better... i promise u my kindred spirit =)
20. don't look back... only look at what's in front of u...
21. And this girl has seen a lot of pain
But this girl's gonna smile again
She knows that a flower grows every time it rains
And this girl's got a lot of dreams
She knows that tomorrow ain't what it seems
She might not solve a mystery tonight
But this girl's gonna be alright...

btw, HAPPY 21ST B'DAY CC!!! i'd write an overlong, sentimental msg here but i'll save it for when i see u hehe loveuheaps *hugglez and muahz*

Have you ever... ???

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing you hadn't or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.

If you do, they might break your heart. If you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own; when you least expect it or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stayed walled up because we are too afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid; afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love, you had to say goodbye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone, they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?

What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

Catharsis 21 - May

it's about that time of the month [not THAT time of the month...] for my emo rantings about life... here goes...

1. i'm a single girl living in a couples' world...
2. why do i always want what i can't have?!
3. guys ruin lives... in more ways than one >_<"
4. am i really that smart or just fluking it?
5. i really, really, really wanna go on a holiday!!!
6. can't wait to dress up... Casino Royale style ^___^
7. the most random lyrics in the world...

Well come on, the way the time cold
I wanna be keeping you, worm
I got the right temperature
Fish hat, a ewe from the storm

Hola! Girl I got the right ant ticks to turn you on
Angola! Wanna be a papa? You can beat a mum... uh oh!!

whoever made this up is freakin' hilarious XD
btw, for those of u who can't figure it out, they're the [misheard] lyrics of Sean Paul's "Temperature"
watch the funni ass video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfXke_z6t3I&feature=related

8. tell me u're only like this 'cause u're being nice...
9. after all this time, why do i still care? why do i still worry about what u're doing?
10. i wish i could write all my probs onto a piece of paper, rip it up and let it all fly away... if only it were that simple...
11. why can't my life be more like a video game? if i stuff up, i could just reset it and start all over again...
12. really need to stop thinking so much...
13. let's go on a shopping spree!! haven't been on one in so long...
14. as much as i'm an easy target for all ur jokes, thanks for making me laugh and for the great company =P
15. need to get back into my cardio classes... stop being lazy >_<"
16. i always used to think u were emotionally retarded... i think it's contagious *sighs*
17. i'm in desperate need of pampering... waxing, manicure, massage, more foils, the works!!!
18. gotta stop trying to live in the past... it's in the past for a reason...
19. i wanna rearrange my room... and my life...
20. i wanna try and figure u out b4 it's too late...
21. i really do want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life...

Catharsis 21

firstly, i'd like to thank Shumin for the inspiration for this blog... although this post seems like a really emo rant, i'm not feeling emo atm... i just feel like sharing some things that have been on my mind hehe

1. i feel so old yet so young at the same time
2. i'm sick of uni yet it's still a safety net for me
3. Good Charlotte had a point...

Everybody's hurt somebody before
Everybody's been hurt by somebody before
You can change, but you'll always come back for more
It's a game and we're all just victims of love...

4. why is it that when i start getting close to some friends, i start losing the closeness with other friends?
5. why is it that when i wanna change jobs, i realise how much i actually quite like my current job? [despite all my whinging...]
6. i'm still thinking about him...
7. i'm starting to create an emotional barrier around myself
8. 鄭嘉穎 will always be my Mr Sparkle ^__^
9. i desperately need to clean up my room
10. everyone around me is all grown up...
11. and me? i'm a single, poor, uni student with no big plans for the future
12. i now see why some pplz reckon 24 hrs in a day isn't enough
13. i need to stop buying clothes...
14. and food...
15. and other unnecessary things...
16. i wanna start watching anime and Korean dramas again
17. how do pplz balance out their lives?!
18. i wanna move outta home temporarily and experience independent living for a little while
19. i love my girlfriends to bits... all unique in their own little way and i cherish every moment i spend with them =)
20. NRL season is back on!! w00t w00t
21. i realise there's 4 types of pplz out there:
COLD-COLD ~ cold on the outside, cold on the inside
COLD-WARM ~ cold on the outside, warm on the inside
WARM-COLD ~ warm on the outside, cold on the inside
WARM-WARM ~ warm on the outside, warm on the inside

i always used to think i was a warm-warm person... i think i'm starting to turn warm-cold... or even worse, cold-warm...