August, how i hate thee...

Not sure whether many people know this, but I've always had this hateful relationship with the month of August. I dunno whether it's just coincidence or plain bad luck, but bad things always seem to happen to me during this month. Deaths, farewells, frantic assignment doing/exam studying, you name it, it's probably happened.

Main thing I have to complain about this month is my grad applications. I had two weeks to do them but knowing my last minute nature, I left it to the last two days to do them. Sent them all out with time to spare only to find out that my penultimate year [which I said in my cover letters that I was in] is actually my SECOND LAST YEAR, not my final year. I could've died. Oh well, I'm over it now. Bring on the rejections and I'll soon be welcoming unemployment with open arms in the next few months. Moral of the story: don't try to sound smart.

In other news, I'm frantically trying to catch up on everything. Doing 5 subjects in my final semester of uni is starting to take its toll on me. I've been bitchier than usual, venting about things I normally wouldn't even make a big deal over and all I was doing about it up until the last couple of days was avoiding it all and distracting myself.

Then again, I always like a good distraction. Here's a snapshot of my distractions in August:

BOUNCE 3 [aka CC's comeback special hehe]

Law girls catchup dinner

There's also been some yum cha-ing, Ikea strolling, football game watching, catch ups and the like. I really should take happy snaps again. Maybe when September rolls around. 11 days left of August!!! HELL YEAH!!! =)

Fare thee well for the time being...

I made a sudden realisation today.
In the midst of all the craziness and the drama out there, I've lost sight of who I really am.
There's only so much you can take and keep bottled up before you ultimately crack.
I've really thrown myself in the deep end here and I can't stop drowning.

As Coldplay so rightly sings out:
In my place, in my place
Were lines that I couldn't change
I was lost, oh yeah...

I was lost, I was lost
Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed
I was lost, oh yeah...

After a really eye-opening talk with one of my closest friends, I realised I'm just avoiding what's on my mind and distracting myself with everybody else's drama.
So that's it. No more drama for me.
Must deal with what's going on alone with just my thoughts and surrounding exam notes.
Must keep the focus. Gotta keep it simple.

So the social butterfly is going into hiding.
I've deactivated the FB account and probably won't be on MSN for quite a while.
But don't worry, I'm endeavouring to come out of all of this with a smile on my face, a clear head and high hopes for the future.

Stay tuned for a new and improved me.

A last note to everyone:
For the uni students, good luck for your exams.
For the full-timers, enjoy and make the most of your long weekend.

This is me... then.

I was looking at my blog from 4 years ago [Holy crap, I've been blogging for THAT long now???] and it's funny reading over stuff I've done or things I said back then hehe It also shows how much I've changed and grown up in the last 4 years. It hasn't been an easy process, but now that I look back, I don't think I'd change much, if anything at all. If I did, I know I wouldn't be the person I am today and not to be too full of myself or anything, but I think i cleaned up alright =P

This is me then.

In 2005,
1. I went through phases of being addicted to something. There was a Scratchies phase, reading manga, reciting Russell Peters quotes, going to the casino, the list goes on.
2. I was going through the awkward transition of uni life.
3. I hung out at Replay a lot.
4. I tasted alcohol and went clubbing for the first time. It was what all the cool kids [well, everyone turning 18 at the time] were doing.
5. I rambled on a lot.
6. I got out of my 3ish year relationship. And I realised just how naive I was about the concept of 'love'.
7. I was hooked on TVB dramas. I dunno how I found time to go out.
8. I was always bitching about my finances. Then again, I bitched about a lotta things.
9. I was learning how to drive.
10. Even though some friendships started to blossom at this time, others were really put to the test.
11. My love for coffee started.
12. I started my job at Myer.

This is me now.

In 2009,
1. I still go through phases of being addicted to something. This year has consisted of phases of mah jong, Mrs Field's cookies, DDR, poker, pool, going to concerts, footy tipping, Restaurant City, chai tea from 3 Monkeys, reciting quotes such as 'It don't matter!' and 'BL la!!', Max Brenner and Korean music, just to name a few.
2. I've settled into uni life and now all I wanna do is graduate and get out!!!
3. I hung out at Replay a lot in the first half of the year, then the name changed to Timezone and I rarely go in now.
4. I'm pretty much over the alcohol and clubbing phase. Don't worry, I still drink and I still go clubbing. It's just not really my scene now.
5. I still ramble a lot. But I save it for my blog and for friends that I vent to.
6. I've been single for almost 2 years. And I really think I've forgotten what it feels like to be in a relationship and to care about someone in THAT way. Oh, and the 'love' thing? It's disappeared from my vocabulary. And no, I'm not talking about the love I have for my family and friends or the love I have for material things like my iPod touch, my clothes or my laptop. I'm talking about the word that people seem to use so fast and loosely these days. So if you care to bring that 4 letter word back into my life with any deep meaning it might have left, I put forward the challenge to anyone. I dare you. In fact, I double dare you.
7. I haven't watched a TVB series in so long. But never fear, the obsession shall start again once I'm back from Japan 'cause I'll be too poor to do anything else =P
8. I don't bitch about my finances anymore but I have found many other replacing topics to bitch about.
9. I'm on my opens and sometimes I still feel like I'm learning how to drive.
10. Once again, as it seems to be the case every year since I've started uni, some friendships have really blossomed and others have really been put to the test. The friend slutting has got to stop =(
11. My love for coffee has been cemented and nobody can ever take that away from me. Unless Gloria Jean's decides to close down. Which I hope it never does!!!
12. It's 4 years later and I'm still at a job that I only wanted to be in temporarily. It's gotten to the point where all the nice perks of the job have long gone and all I want to do is find a new job.

So, there we have it. Old school Angie has been revamped into the 2009 Angie you all know and love now. But from reading where I'm currently at, I think I'm due for another revamp. So watch out everyone!! New and improved, smarter and more sophisticated, sassier and classier, that'll be me soon enough =)

Catharsis 22 - November

Starting to get into the studying groove. I actually want to do half decently this semester [half decently meaning no 4's!!!] so if it seems like I'm MIA, I'm most likely just cooped up at home. Or at uni. Or I've died trying.

Either way, I leave my beloved readers with my 22 quick rants for this month. Good luck to those who have exams!! The light at the end of the tunnel will come soon enough =)

1. I saw a car that had the personalised plate with my initials AND my birth year. Should've stolen it. The plate, not the car. Actually, maybe the car too.
2. Is it so hard to say what you mean and mean what you say?!
3. Say hello to 1 of the Social Directors of BSA for 2010 =P
4. Damn you Warringah!! Should've won *sighs* But congrats to Shocking... thanks to you, I got half my money back!
5. An early congrats to you. And just to let you know, I will literally cry and cry and cry when you leave me =(
6. Practise what you preach. Like seriously.
7. It'd be so funny if we worked out in real life. Like seriously.
8. I really want to play 4 rounds of mah jong now. Or even 8 rounds. Like seriously.
9. Far out, another choice to make.
10. Best wishes in Melbourne. Gonna miss you terribly especially during the Christmas period =(
11. 幸福掌握在你手上...
12. 14 days to go...
13. 21 days to go...
14. Killing me softly with Red Bull, coffee, hundreds of pages of notes, hundreds of pages of legislation and barely any sleep... killing me softly...
15. Frick, 1 more subject than I thought. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
16. Multi-language exam mix ftw =)
17. MUST PAY OFF CREDIT CARD BILL IMMEDIATELY!!!
18. Must burn off this ever-increasing fat after 15th December.
19. I'm so happy for you and hope that things will work themselves out.
20. Sleep is especially good when the time you're awake is spent studying.
21. Maybe I should move too. Moving's so hot right now.
22. I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask
I want to exorcise the demons from your past
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart...

Catharsis 22

1. There's always two sides to every story.
2. I never realised you were like this. We're like two peas in a pod.
3. It's ghost month. Is this why I feel weird?!
4. I hate the friend balance. You get close to one person but you lose the closeness of another.
5. Sometimes love comes around. And it knocks you down. Just get back up when it knocks you down, knocks you down.
6. Am I waiting for any good reason or am I just playing the fool again?
7. Maybe being sheltered isn't such a bad thing after all.
8. I'm sleepy.
9. You've grown up. I'm so proud of you.
10. I actually miss you. Who would've thought?!
11. And I'll miss you too. The days are counting down...
12. And I also miss you. I miss all the moments and long talks we used to have.
13. Study = death.
14. Too much food and sweets = death.
15. You're the reason I'm getting fatter. Damn you!!!
16. Stop being lost and/or realise your true feelings already!!!
17. Why you? Because sometimes I think you're the only who sees me when I'm invisible.
18. The world keeps getting in the way. With you is where I wanna be. But it just won't let me 'cause it keeps getting in the way.
19. Or maybe I missed my chance. Crap.
20. 3 weeks to go. Holy smoke. Actually, not really.
21. I'm still sleepy.
22. Dance like nobody's watching.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's heaven on earth. - Mark Twain

It's been ages since I've done one of these. Feels good =)

What I like about you =)

i was reading through a friend's note on Facebook today and what he'd done was write up a list of things he liked about his friends and he made them guess which comment referred to whom... i thought it was a pretty cool idea... so what i've done is tagged everyone who i've made comments about and u gotta guess which one refers to u... but to make things a bit more interesting, i've written more than 1 comment for some of u guys... there's 21 who've been tagged and 25 comments... happy guessing =)

for those of u reading this on my blog, the list of pplz tagged r on Facebook hehe if u guess it right, u'll get a hug or something... and the feeling of being right =) if u do wanna guess, just leave a comment and i'll let u know if u're right on MSN or in person... gotta keep everybody else guessing muahahahaha

1. I like that you're so silly, yet also so serious when you have to be
2. I like that you make the most random, unexpected remarks, whether they're serious or funny
3. I like how you're always thinking and searching for deeper meaning in your life
4. I like the fact that you always want to keep in touch somehow
5. I like your subtle, yet unique way of being such a caring person
6. I like that you're so different from my initial expectations
7. I like the way you're always looking out for those you really care about
8. I like that you're always finding ways of making our bond that much stronger
9. I like how you're so passionate about the important things in your life
10. I like that you can be so quietly reflective on everything in your life
11. I like how you're always up for anything, no matter how random it is or who it's with
12. I like that you wear your heart on your sleeve
13. I like your ability to make anything random the funniest thing I've ever heard
14. I like how you have so much ambition in life, whether small or big
15. I like that our personalities have always been so in sync
16. I like the way you poke fun at everything and everyone
17. I like that you can be such a softie despite your tough exterior
18. I like that you always eventually find time to talk to me for hours on end
19. I like the way you can be easygoing, but also assertive
20. I like how you seem to know absolutely everything about everything
21. I like the way you're so driven and determined with everything you do
22. I like how you always offer an alternative point of view that I'd never consider otherwise
23. I like that you're so much more than what meets the eye
24. I like the way you make your mark with people, whether they know you or not
25. I like how your smile and joy seems to be contagious with whoever you're with

Catharsis 21 - October

1. u could be happy and i won't know...
2. guys don't have any sense of intuition >_<"
3. this is a nightmare exam period =(
4. hardly any sleep and cramming make Angie a very, very cranky girl...
5. bear with me... it's just not a good time atm...
6. i s2 iPod Touch ^__^
7. i wish i could stop being a bitter, old hag...
8. i wish i was more organised...
9. i wish i was a better friend...
10. i wish i could fill my heart with love rather than anger, bitterness and resentment...
11. don't talk to me if u only wanna fill in time...
12. Korean ice-cream is awesome!!!
13. procrastination brings out the worst in me *sighs*
14. i can't handle it all!!
15. i'm always looking out for u... even if i don't say it...
16. i hope u're doing okies... he's not worth the heartache...
17. why r my dreams so much better than reality?!
18. the wall is only getting bigger and stronger...
19. i must be a better person... inside and out!!!
20. blah, blah, blah... it's all the same crap over and over again...
21. BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT

What do u do...

+ when u've lost all motivation to achieve the goals in ur life?
+ when it all gets too hard?
+ when u've forgotten the last time u were truly happy?
+ when u dunno how to fix things?
+ when u want to turn to ur support network but can't?

i don't just want someone to tell me it's all gonna be okies... there needs to be proof...

pplz rely too much on the words of other pplz... and i've made that mistake too many times...

one lesson that i'll never forget: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

Catharsis 21 - September

1. age ain't nothing but a number...
2. tell me it's real... this feeling that i [might] feel...
3. i'm never planning anything again >_<"
4. the true colours r starting to show...
5. innocence is truly bliss...
6. what's the point? u're never gonna see me in that way...
7. give me a change in scenery... please!!!
8. Wall-e and Eve forever s2
9. so much to do, so little time...
10. actions speak a LOT louder than words...
11. let's go clubbing... for old time's sake =)
12. thanks for letting me get stuff outta my system...
13. i hate bottling certain things up... but i can't help it =(
14. maybe i do need a change in perspective...
15. is this what i want or am i just dreaming about it?
16. sometimes i wish it was more than it was... or maybe i don't...
17. i'm disappointed in u sometimes... u're not who i thought u were...
18. don't just say stuff that i wanna hear...
19. why aren't there more pplz like u around?
20. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep!!!
21. take me back to when i was truly happy...

Just some thoughts...

okies, i've been neglecting my blog again... partly 'cause i've been occupied with social events and also 'cause i haven't had anything worthwhile to blog about... but i thought i'd blog my current thoughts tonite 'cause if i don't, i'll forget and it'll be a mighty shame...

i was sitting by the UQ lakes on Tues when i thought about this blog so pretty much what i'm typing in italics is from my thoughts on Tues... here goes...

i currently have 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls on repeat on my iPod and i think it reflects my mood quite perfectly...

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...

i got dragged outta my house at 1am last nite to take a walk around the lake and i swear, there's something about being around water that gets me all reflective... or maybe it's the company... then again, i'm sitting by the UQ lakes as i write this so i think it's just the water hehe

a lotta things were brought up during this walk, one of which was my current state of mind... i got asked whether i believed in fate/destiny and i replied by saying that i didn't... that sorta set the rest of my convo in motion... do i just follow what everybody else thinks? am i that easy to manipulate? i've always been one to take everyone else's thoughts into consideration, but did i lose my own thoughts, my own point of view along the way?

it's kinda depressing when u don't believe in anything anymore... i've always been a bit of a cynic when it comes to some things but when it gets to the point where u feel like there's not much hope in anything, then that's a real worry...

*sighs* i hate the complexities of life... i reckon the happiest pplz r those who live the simple life or have a good support network that help them get through the highs and lows... since i'll never think of life as being a simple construct, i'll aim for the latter...

find out what i believe in...
find out what makes me happy...
then i'll build a bridge and get over my insecurities...
i'll be strong [at least emotionally]...
and i'll finally be happy... not 'cause i have to be but 'cause i want to be =)

i'd write more here but i'm getting sleepy... i'll write the rest of my thoughts later

Catharsis 21 - August

1. i wish i wasn't such a big disappointment to u...
2. spring is [nearly] here!! ^__^
3. if only i could turn back time... if only i had said what i still hide...
4. i'm sorry i'm not a better friend to u... u treat me so well =(
5. back to the gym!! need to get [somewhat] fit again!!!
6. 'sometimes people play hard to get because they need to know the other person's feelings are real'
7. i want Sushi Train, Sizzler's, Freestyle, Pane e Vino and Food Fantasy so badly =(
8. sometimes, sometimes, sometimes... i get lonely too...
9. why do feelings have to be so freakin' complicated?!
10. somebody give me a good surprise... it's been too long!!
11. i should stop trying to live in fantasy world...
12. OMG... less than 3 weeks left...
13. where's the motivation?
14. where did it all go?
15. i hope someone better comes along... u deserve it =)
16. u're gonna end up a forgotten memory to me one day...
17. why don't the good things ever stay the same?
18. u're still my sunshine after the rain =)
19. i need an image makeover... starting next month!!!
20. i want so many new things...
21. stop procrastinating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catharsis 21 - July

1. my prayers go out to u... i really want u to make it through these 2 months...
2. please let me get through this semester!!!
3. gotta stop being such a drama queen...
4. life doesn't make sense... bad things happen to good pplz and good things happen to bad pplz?!
5. stop being lazy and start planning dammit!!!
6. is this the beginning of something or just another phase?
7. thanks for listening to me... it was good timing =)
8. only 4 down so far... how depressing *sighs*
9. why do i still hold this grudge?
10. i'm glad i found u again... u always were my best distraction from reality =)
11. i am in dire need of a holiday... a long, long holiday...
12. gotta stop building invisible walls for myself...
13. it must be a sentimental time of the yr for everyone...
14. stop coming back to haunt me... haven't u hurt me enough?!
15. why so serious? good question Joker...
16. i wanna talk but i dunno what to say...
17. i wanna be emotional but i dunno how i feel...
18. thanks for all u've done for me... sometimes i think u're too good to be true...
19. things will be better... i promise u my kindred spirit =)
20. don't look back... only look at what's in front of u...
21. And this girl has seen a lot of pain
But this girl's gonna smile again
She knows that a flower grows every time it rains
And this girl's got a lot of dreams
She knows that tomorrow ain't what it seems
She might not solve a mystery tonight
But this girl's gonna be alright...

btw, HAPPY 21ST B'DAY CC!!! i'd write an overlong, sentimental msg here but i'll save it for when i see u hehe loveuheaps *hugglez and muahz*

Catharsis 21 - June

1. has the whole world become superficial?
2. is it so hard to find a guy who has depth?!
3. something or someone is holding me back...
4. please let me pass... please let me pass...
5. start saving and stop spending!!!
6. between us i feel this undeniable thing... but what is it???
7. it's been short and sweet so far but i'll still miss u...
8. why does my past keep coming back to haunt me >_<"
9. i think i'm letting u slip away... 'cause it's just not the same...
10. please stop the talking... u're only driving everyone further away...
11. am i the "friend" u're talking about?
12. i want a cute puppy or kitten to look after now...
13. since when did the rules of attraction become so complicated?!
14. what's the point of getting close to someone when they're just gonna leave u newayz? =(
15. gotta stop resorting to chocolate...
16. somebody distract me from my thoughts!!!
17. listening to boy bands reminds me of a much simpler time...
18. u're one in a million... dunno what i'd do without u =)
19. u're also one in a million... ur randomness astounds me hehe
20. there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me...
21. i must enjoy my holz... stop worrying about everything *sighs*

Have you ever... ???

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?

Saying something and wishing you hadn't or saying nothing and wishing you had?

I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say. Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them.

If you do, they might break your heart. If you don't, you might break theirs.

Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?

Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do. It does it on its own; when you least expect it or even when you don't want it to.

Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had but that other person was too afraid to let you?

Too many of us stayed walled up because we are too afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.

Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?

We tell lies when we are afraid; afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.

But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger.

Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done or could have had.

What would you do if every time you fell in love, you had to say goodbye?

What would you do if every time you wanted someone, they would never be there?

What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?

What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?

Catharsis 21 - May

it's about that time of the month [not THAT time of the month...] for my emo rantings about life... here goes...

1. i'm a single girl living in a couples' world...
2. why do i always want what i can't have?!
3. guys ruin lives... in more ways than one >_<"
4. am i really that smart or just fluking it?
5. i really, really, really wanna go on a holiday!!!
6. can't wait to dress up... Casino Royale style ^___^
7. the most random lyrics in the world...

Well come on, the way the time cold
I wanna be keeping you, worm
I got the right temperature
Fish hat, a ewe from the storm

Hola! Girl I got the right ant ticks to turn you on
Angola! Wanna be a papa? You can beat a mum... uh oh!!

whoever made this up is freakin' hilarious XD
btw, for those of u who can't figure it out, they're the [misheard] lyrics of Sean Paul's "Temperature"
watch the funni ass video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfXke_z6t3I&feature=related

8. tell me u're only like this 'cause u're being nice...
9. after all this time, why do i still care? why do i still worry about what u're doing?
10. i wish i could write all my probs onto a piece of paper, rip it up and let it all fly away... if only it were that simple...
11. why can't my life be more like a video game? if i stuff up, i could just reset it and start all over again...
12. really need to stop thinking so much...
13. let's go on a shopping spree!! haven't been on one in so long...
14. as much as i'm an easy target for all ur jokes, thanks for making me laugh and for the great company =P
15. need to get back into my cardio classes... stop being lazy >_<"
16. i always used to think u were emotionally retarded... i think it's contagious *sighs*
17. i'm in desperate need of pampering... waxing, manicure, massage, more foils, the works!!!
18. gotta stop trying to live in the past... it's in the past for a reason...
19. i wanna rearrange my room... and my life...
20. i wanna try and figure u out b4 it's too late...
21. i really do want something else to get me through this semi-charmed kinda life...

Catharsis 21 - April

i had a lotta fun doing my catharsis last month... i think i might actually start doing this every month now... just so there's a brief review of how i'm feeling hehe here we go...

1. to pursue or not to pursue... that is the question?
2. i wanna start reading again and enter someone else's world...
3. Demi or Jack ftw on SYTYCD ^^
4. Ken leee... tulibu dibu douchoo... ken leee... ken lee meju more XD gotta love a Bulgarian trying to sing Mariah Carey...
5. i want more colours in my hair!!
6. him... or him?
7. poker ruins lives >_<"
8. i feel like a big, fat, lazy slob *sighs*
9. why can't i find the perfect pair of jeans?!
10. why don't u call me anymore? i miss our 2-3 hr chats...
11. i wanna be spoiled again...
12. why does this warm, fuzzy feeling inside come and go?!
13. i want a hug... but not just any hug... one that when u start, u don't wanna let go...
14. i need motivation to do things!!
15. i miss taking photos of the random things in my life...
16. i wanna sing karaoke!!
17. music soothes my soul... i'd be so lost without it...
18. take me away... somewhere far, far from here...
19. goodbye old me... hello ??? me
20. do pplz really see the real me? or do they just see what i want them to see?
21. weirdly enough, this is the happiest i've been in a long time...