Catharsis 21 - September

1. age ain't nothing but a number...
2. tell me it's real... this feeling that i [might] feel...
3. i'm never planning anything again >_<"
4. the true colours r starting to show...
5. innocence is truly bliss...
6. what's the point? u're never gonna see me in that way...
7. give me a change in scenery... please!!!
8. Wall-e and Eve forever s2
9. so much to do, so little time...
10. actions speak a LOT louder than words...
11. let's go clubbing... for old time's sake =)
12. thanks for letting me get stuff outta my system...
13. i hate bottling certain things up... but i can't help it =(
14. maybe i do need a change in perspective...
15. is this what i want or am i just dreaming about it?
16. sometimes i wish it was more than it was... or maybe i don't...
17. i'm disappointed in u sometimes... u're not who i thought u were...
18. don't just say stuff that i wanna hear...
19. why aren't there more pplz like u around?
20. sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep!!!
21. take me back to when i was truly happy...

Just some thoughts...

okies, i've been neglecting my blog again... partly 'cause i've been occupied with social events and also 'cause i haven't had anything worthwhile to blog about... but i thought i'd blog my current thoughts tonite 'cause if i don't, i'll forget and it'll be a mighty shame...

i was sitting by the UQ lakes on Tues when i thought about this blog so pretty much what i'm typing in italics is from my thoughts on Tues... here goes...

i currently have 'Iris' by the Goo Goo Dolls on repeat on my iPod and i think it reflects my mood quite perfectly...

And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am...

i got dragged outta my house at 1am last nite to take a walk around the lake and i swear, there's something about being around water that gets me all reflective... or maybe it's the company... then again, i'm sitting by the UQ lakes as i write this so i think it's just the water hehe

a lotta things were brought up during this walk, one of which was my current state of mind... i got asked whether i believed in fate/destiny and i replied by saying that i didn't... that sorta set the rest of my convo in motion... do i just follow what everybody else thinks? am i that easy to manipulate? i've always been one to take everyone else's thoughts into consideration, but did i lose my own thoughts, my own point of view along the way?

it's kinda depressing when u don't believe in anything anymore... i've always been a bit of a cynic when it comes to some things but when it gets to the point where u feel like there's not much hope in anything, then that's a real worry...

*sighs* i hate the complexities of life... i reckon the happiest pplz r those who live the simple life or have a good support network that help them get through the highs and lows... since i'll never think of life as being a simple construct, i'll aim for the latter...

find out what i believe in...
find out what makes me happy...
then i'll build a bridge and get over my insecurities...
i'll be strong [at least emotionally]...
and i'll finally be happy... not 'cause i have to be but 'cause i want to be =)

i'd write more here but i'm getting sleepy... i'll write the rest of my thoughts later

Last rant about August

all i have to say is...

u've been a horrible, horrible month August... i hope i never experience a month like this ever again =(

i know i've had my fair share of good times as well but i can't help but feel like i've been a bit of a wreck during August...

may September and the new season bring better days...

Catharsis 21 - August

1. i wish i wasn't such a big disappointment to u...
2. spring is [nearly] here!! ^__^
3. if only i could turn back time... if only i had said what i still hide...
4. i'm sorry i'm not a better friend to u... u treat me so well =(
5. back to the gym!! need to get [somewhat] fit again!!!
6. 'sometimes people play hard to get because they need to know the other person's feelings are real'
7. i want Sushi Train, Sizzler's, Freestyle, Pane e Vino and Food Fantasy so badly =(
8. sometimes, sometimes, sometimes... i get lonely too...
9. why do feelings have to be so freakin' complicated?!
10. somebody give me a good surprise... it's been too long!!
11. i should stop trying to live in fantasy world...
12. OMG... less than 3 weeks left...
13. where's the motivation?
14. where did it all go?
15. i hope someone better comes along... u deserve it =)
16. u're gonna end up a forgotten memory to me one day...
17. why don't the good things ever stay the same?
18. u're still my sunshine after the rain =)
19. i need an image makeover... starting next month!!!
20. i want so many new things...
21. stop procrastinating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wake me up when August ends...

i've never been a big fan of the month August... i dunno if it's just coincidence but good things never happen to me during this month and this yr has been no exception... for those of u who dunno, my 婆婆 [maternal grandmother] passed away in early August and i was pretty upset by that... she's looked after me all my life and she was living with me for the past 7 yrs after my 公公 [maternal grandfather] passed away... in some ways, i regret not being closer to her in her last yrs... after hearing my sister's eulogy during her funeral, it just brought back memories of when i used to hang out with her heaps as a kid... i remember telling her a long time ago that i'd still be spending heaps of time with her when i grew up but as time went on, we drifted apart... i'm still pretty upset now not just 'cause she's gone but also 'cause she's not gonna be there when i turn 21 or when i graduate from uni... i'll miss u dearly 婆婆 =( Rest in Peace...

i wanted to say a special thank u to Kev for driving me to the hospital, coming to the funeral and continually checking up on me to make sure i was okies and also to Ketty who was there for me during the day of the funeral, as well as everyone else who offered support and their condolences... it was very much appreciated and really helped me through this hard time =)

another sad thing to happen this month was having to farewell Taiki, who left for Japan yesterday... i've known this guy for quite a while and we've had a lotta good times together... all the times we hung out at uni, at friends' places, at each other's places, pplz's parties, each other's parties, went clubbing together, will be sorely missed =( i'm sorry i didn't get to see u on ur last day in Brissy but i hope u had a safe flight to Japan and best of luck at ur new job... i'll try and visit as soon as i can =)

it's nearly the end of August now and things r starting to look up... many things to look forward to:
1. Law Revue!! still haven't decided which day to go yet...
2. Andy's 21st... still haven't decided what to wear =S
3. the end of winter [FINALLY!!!]
4. planning my 21st!! although that's gonna be a lotta hard work *sighs*

okies, really need to get back to work... i have an assignment due tomorrow at 2pm >_<"